Parenting: Bitter Pill

We know them, some of us have them, adult children who just can’t seem to get it together. They can’t get a job, keep a job, unstable living conditions, always in some sort of trouble, in jail or drama and expecting the parent to “Fix it.”

Parenting is the hardest job on earth.  You think raising a baby is difficult?  It is!  But, just wait until they are grown and you can no longer “childproof” their lives and they go their own way and their way is WRONG! lol

We also know the parents or are them, the ones who can’t bear to see their child in the trouble (they create) or suffering.  These are the parents that say things like…. “My heart is sad, my brain wants to say no, but my heart is putting up a good battle.”

The “heart” or as we most often use the term, in effect is simply emotions, what we are “feeling” at the moment and emotions are fickled things.  They are affected and changed via external data constantly from moment to moment therefore an untrustworthy source of wisdom.  The “brain” calculates reason based on fact, truths and repetitive experience.

A child throws a tantrum, the heart says “awww…give him a cookie.”  Reason says if you do, you’re rewarding bad behavior and furthermore, encouraging it.  We discipline them, not out of anger or vengence but teaching that bad behavior in life often results in painful or negitive consequences AND teaches them that THEY are accountable for their actions personally.

The heart hates it but reason knows it’s for their good and equips them to be sucessful in adult life. When we fail to hold the line as parents because it hurts our “hearts”.  We fail our children, encourage their troubles, reward it, teach them that they dont have to be responsible for consequences but rather expect us to be….

We’re literally closer to ” loving them to death” or rather doing what makes US feel good instead of doing what they need because it’s hard for US, which is in earnest, loving ourselves instead of THEM.
In short….Be Spock! Lol