New Mom Wankery

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Between FB, Instagram and twitter, I have a gazillion “friends” and followers. I’m amazed at the sheer volume of them who are just now beginning their families with so many young women becoming pregnant.  With that they post A LOT and what they post is hilarious at best and at worst, ridiculous.

“Nobody is allowed to kiss MY baby”

Seriously?  I saw this from an actual family member and it’s based on some FB thing passed around telling new mothers that a baby can be horribly covered with sores from being kissed by someone with a fever blister.  I’m thinking this must be random, remote, rare.  I also know for a fact that every child ever born into this family, including this one sharing this crap, has been virtually smothered in kisses by this family since their first breath.  fear mongering panic artists who produce this stuff, terrifying expectant mothers should be shot.

Breast feeding in public is a big thing now. I admit I breast fed in public yet a baby blanket over the shoulder, tented and shielded the babe and I.  I felt no need whatsoever to exhibit my breast or feeding to the public at large.  It’s natural they say.  So is needing to pee yet you’ll soon be arrested for doing it in public right? Let’s not share everything, ok?

I’m also seeing a great bit of posts stating “This is my baby, you’ll do as I say”.   Well, hope they’re good at dodging the backfire.

But….
I remember being young and pregnant with my first child, 18 giving birth at 19.   I was the epitome of young and dumb.
First of all, I was dramatic, as if I were the only woman to ever become pregnant and everything I experienced was new to humankind and infinately important. Lol. Strangely like the new mothers of today.

I also had infinite ideas as to how I wanted to do and control everything concerning my child and how others should fall in line with the dictates of my newfound goddesshood much of which was fueled by popular trends and attitudes of the times which were created by those who were every bit as young, dumb and inexperienced as I was.

I wasn’t just an ordinary shit, I ready wanted to be respected as an adult AND I wanted to do everything right, giving my child the best that I could.  Unfortunately doing and giving my best was based on fad ideals and concepts of a generation who thought they could improve on what humans have already been doing for eons.

EVERYTHING WAS ALL ABOUT ME and I WAS THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.  Pure wankery.  Again, much like the young mothers I see today.
Really what I managed to do was make darn sure that everyone could see just how immature and childish I was and probably causing a fare bit of concern of whether I was really prepared to be a mother at all being as I was behaving so much like a child myself.

Rude Awakening: Labor

unholy Hell!
The early 80’s were all about natural birth, breast feeding, cloth diapers, au naturale, hippy…..crap!
I spent a whopping 24 hours in labor, in a right of passage shared by centuries of women, all the way back to Eve.  Eve, laying in the grass with no mother to guide her, none before her to draw experience from, no doctor, hospital, team of nurses, alone save for Adam, delivering the first human to be born on this planet.

I pondered the multitudes of women before me who without modern medicine, delivered their own children in even the harshest of circumstances, through captivity, wars, famines, wilderness. I remembered the women on the trail of tears who squatting, wrapped their arms around a tree to deliver their babe, bound the child to her chest and kept walking, women who gave birth then bound their child to them, returning to the fields to work. Without modern medicine, hospitals, pop culture, fads, the internet and twitter telling them what to do and how to do it, managed the survival of the human race.

Suddenly, I was not so special but rather spoiled and weak but this was the beginning of growing up.

Rude Awakening: Delivery

My son, how light the weight of him within my arms yet with him, the weight of the world fell upon me.  There was no longer the idea of “I” and “Me”. Everything was not about me and would not be again. I became a living sacrifice, that he and all his needs would supersede my own. I now bore the responsibility of not only his survival but for who he would become, what sort of man I’d give to the world, citizen, human.  And, I felt overwhelmed, ill equipped and scared.

Awakening: Home

Quite suddenly, I realized this child did not come with an owners manual and just as suddenly realized how valuable my mother was, how precious the experience she offered, the support and help to me learning how to be a mother for the first time. And, cloth diapers were thrown straight into the trash.

I spent a lot of my pregnancy making demands concerning how I wanted everyone to act concerning my child, my parental authority and how I wanted things to be.  A pregnancy Nazi, preggerzilla.  I saw clearly how foolish and childish I had behaved and how these things must’ve alienated and built walls against not just our families but these same, were my childs family too.  Didn’t he deserve all the family and love that could be his? Didn’t I want that for him or  would I’d rob him for my own selfishness and need for control?Certainly not!

“I’m a new mom so LET ME BE A NEW MOM.”

yes,  I remember being young and a new mom, feeling like I wasn’t being given the chance to learn how to be a mom as the older moms were kind of trying to do it for me.  It was kind of annoying at the time but the big picture was that I was blessed to have my mom and mother in law, that they were trying to make this learning curve easier on me. It was love based and I was a bit of a childish wank for being so ungrateful.

“If I’m nervous for her to leave without me LET ME BE NERVOUS, if I want you to do something a certain way & you say “I’ve done this before with umpteen kids” I’m going to get annoyed.”

This is truth. A new mom must learn how to be a mom by doing, gaining experience and asking for advise when she’s unsure. Our first child is our classroom.  The second is easier because we’ve learned, grown and aren’t as afraid.

I agree that there needs to be a respect between the new and  experienced mothers. The experienced mother must allow the new mother to mother her own child and learn how to do it without trying to do it for her.

I do agree also that new mothers could be more respectful lest they end up with no help at all and experienced mother doesn’t throw up her hands and say ” fine, then do it all yourself and dont ask me to babysit or help.”

Trust me, the new mom is going to become exhausted and need a break sometimes, she will need to be a person as well and want to be able to have adult time with friends etc, and she’ll get ill and need someone to take babe….
my advise:
Seems like fostering a great family relationship where baby has all the love and support of as much family as possible is both great for babe, new mom and the family on the whole.

DON’T BE A JERK, GROW UP, BE GRATEFUL, ENJOY.

21 comments

  1. congrats with your new baby, you are so right and your post was so truthful, children doesn’t come with a manual, we all have to learn as we go, and some moms are lucky enough to have their mother close, if want to invite you to take a look on my blog I have lot of info about mom topics that might be interesting for you, including fetal ultrasounds.
    http://www.ultrasoundfeminsider.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely agree with the breast feeding thing! I’m %110 for it. Just don’t be like a young lady I saw once in the men’s section of a department store and flop down on the ground and feed right there…. no! Just no…

    Like

  3. Congrats on pregnancy. Check out our blog for moms and moms to be and join our community and conversations. Would love to hear your thoughts and advice you can share with other ladies. Comment on some of our various topics we have up and under older posts ☺️

    Like

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