My husband, Clay, in the course of his career has literally traveled the world, both here and abroad, me…not so much. I’ve never been anywhere but the small corner of the world that I called home. His greatest desire was to expand my borders and fill my existence with a life that was truly lived but life stood in between.
He had a career to chase and we had kids to raise, a ranch to run, dogs to show and all the incidentals and responsibilities in between. Our life and dreams became filled with “someday’s”. Someday, we’ll sell the ranch, buy an RV, go camping, see the US, travel abroad, buy a house on a lake..someday.
We were dreamers, he and I , dreaming of the life we’d have and build together but somewhere in between, the months trickled into years and the dream of someday died in me. My “dreams” became acceptance of my lot in life though the yearning made the days bitter with the discontent of endless waiting.
Clay never stopped dreaming. He’d go on and on about his “Someday” dreams. I’d just smile, nod and look away. I didn’t want to kill his dreams nor the dreamer in him though I knew that he could see in the ever deepening lines on my face that I had given up. He just dreamt bigger, enough for both of us.
I didn’t blame him, I blamed myself and the choices that I made. I chose to marry and have children young. Later in life with my children grown, I chose to marry Clay who had young children and restart my life and role as a mom again. I chose to follow his dreams, of horse ranching, racing, breeding, and owning great danes and showing them.
These were my choices… and every single one of them was right and I wouldn’t change a thing. My husband and children, both birthed and acquired are my most cherished treasures. I cheered his career because I wanted him to reach for all that he wanted and I lived his dreams because I wanted his to come true. His dream was of a “someday” where children were grown and early retirement where he could make mine come true.
My Life and choices hold no regret and In between the adventurous journey, I had a life well lived. But, I am married to a dreamer, stubborn enough to dream for us both, strong enough to give them life and all the life lived in between.
My blog today seems to have written itself so tomorrow I’ll blog about…… seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time and how he ran ahead so he could watch my face as it came into view. I’ll write about sledding in Colorado, fearing an avalanche from our riotous laughter. I’ll write about Yosemite Falls, New Mexico and walking hand in hand on Pismo beach, California.
I will tell you of a 2 week, nearly 2000 mile journey across Ireland and I’ll write it from our house on the lake or on our boat dock in the backyard where I like to soak in the sun …..or perhaps on our boat that we named “Finally Someday”.
©Laura M. Bailey, All the shoes I wear & writing down the Bones, 1990–Present. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Laura M. Bailey with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.