I’ve written much about my daughter, the awe-some nature of her being, her many accomplishments, the inspirational story of her transformation from nearing 400lbs to 145, the hard way…by showing up every single day and doing the work. I’ve also spoken much about how she’s taken others along with her on her journey, inspiring and helping them to reach their dreams too.
As a mother I could fill a catalog with all I have taught her…but I also have learned so much from her and I’m still learning. I’m learning to be comfortable in my imperfections, granting myself the flaws that make me human and learning to love myself without qualifiers or excuse.
Written by my daughter
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
My body tells a story of life, of loss, of motherhood, failures and successes. Not only have I experienced body dismorphia, I also watched a loved one struggle with both anorexia and bulimia for the entirety of our lives together. I learned the art of self loathing as a young child that spilled over into my adult life. My unrealistic idea of what body perfection should be was based soley on societal norms. Instead of pursuing said “perfection”, I wanted to be the exact opposite. I felt unworthy of attention, love, and freedom of experience. I pushed myself into a dangerously unhealthy place.
The person who had my “perfect body” was locked in a bathroom throwing up after a meal. If I accomplished such a task would I be the one still unhappy, throwing up after a meal too?
My journey to health has been more-so a healing experience than a physical one. Learning to grant myself beingness, love the way my body has given me 2 beautiful children, the way it accepts pleasure and pain, giving me the gift to move freely from place to place, accepting energy and joy so easily. Instead of worrying with such frivolous and vain things, I accepted the simple and most powerful notion, that I… Yes I, can embrace and enjoy my own beingness without those strongholds on my life.
Yes, I have incredible amounts of excess skin, muscles, and strength. These things make me unequivocally human.
I LOVE ME. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Be unapologetically you!
My confession: I am the perfectly imperfect person of whom she speaks. In her eye’s, I was the vision of perfection. In mine, I was nothing…and love would be the reward for obtaining a perfection…that I could never reach.
In the picture below, I had given birth to my daughter 6 weeks prior. One hand on my waist, the other on the back of my hip hiding my waifish middle. My hips, from one side to the other was a mere 12 inches.
A conversation between mother & daughter
Me: Beautifully said.
The person with the perfect body you wanted, throwing up after a meal…also felt unworthy, unloved, imperfect, not good enough. When we are little, we run around with our little potbellies pouched out and little fat rolls on our thighs and never once judged ourselves or others…completely confident, healthy and joyously just…us. where do we learn to be so cruel to ourselves? When do we decide that others differences are better than our own? At what point did we begin to value physicality above the quality of a person?
The saddest thing of all is that these feelings are indiscriminate. They plague us all. The girls we envy feel exactly the same way and are running that same hamster wheel of self doubt, judgement, criticism.
The best gift we can give ourselves and our children is loving and kindness to ourselves.
Krista: Mom, the obvious irony is that from a place of vulnerability, many new ways of existing in the world open up. Such as honesty, compassion, acting for the good of others and without ego, and the ability to heal from one’s own wounds.
Being vulnerable allows others to also break down those walls so that they can be built anew. It’s not easy being in that place but from our experience your vulnerability about your own journey in life is exactly what has shaped my future and the woman I am today. If not for your experiences both good and bad, how would I have ever learned to persevere.
.Dear Friends, Learn to love yourself without condition or excuses. Give yourself permission to be human, perfectly imperfect. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Don’t compare yourself to others, be beautiful like YOU. Teach this to yourself so your children may learn it from you.
Always with love, Laura💕
Update from my daughter, Krista
Hello Fam and Friends! I have been absent on social media for some time. As of late, I have been balancing work, full-time college courses, and motherhood. I wanted to let you in on some exciting news. I have been working with the producer of “Brand New Me” Video series (YouTube, Instagram, facebook, snapchat). I will be doing an interview and filming November 19th regarding my weightloss/journey to health. I am ridiculously excited to have this opportunity to share my story across multiple platforms. Hopefully my story will help inspire someone to start their journey too.
Have a blessed week!