My husband….is he crazy or what? I swear there are times that he opens his mouth and I whiplash around to see who he’s talking to! I know he’s not talking to me or he wouldn’t be saying such crazy things. I cannot tell you how often, after 14 yrs together, that I just stare at him and think, “You’ve met me, right?” Again recently, I thought that very thing.
Since Clay retired, he and I both have put on just enough weight to feel self conscious and avoid each other while changing. Actually, I feel like I’m wearing a jello suit. Yuk! So naturally he’d stop by a spa to inquire about a massage for my birthday. See My Face…..
“I’m an introvert as it is but add in, uncomfortable in my own skin, feel flubbery and really don’t even want him to see me in the buff…what could possibly be grander than some strange woman oiling me up and rubbing all over me?” (See more face above.)
“It’s a deep tissue massage.” He says. “It’ll be good for you!”
“Listen up. If anyone’s going to be rubbing about on my naked body fat, it’ll be when we’re waaay off on a trip somewhere where I’ll never have to see them again!”
He dies laughing.
But, that struggle is real isn’t it? There are simply some folks you just do not want to run into at the grocery and have them chatting you up, right?
Here’s my short list:
I drove all the way to another town for an annual checkup only to discover the new GYN was the doppelganger of Stephan King. As if that weren’t creepy enough, he was so nervous or embarrassed by it all that he couldn’t look me in the eye and spoke mostly to his shoes. The nurse rolled her eyes, neither of us believing he’d chosen the right field of study.
The upside is that there is little chance he’d attempt chatting me up at the grocery should we meet up. I peg him as a runner.
The guy who does your colonoscopy – Nope. Never want to see nor discuss old times with this guy.
Note: I will say that I felt the 2 above should’ve had to “put a ring on it” or at the very least, bought me dinner first.
Have you ever been to an upscale salon and had someone try to high pressure sell you on a Brazilian Wax AKA the full monty chassis wax? Sweet J-sus!!! I couldn’t get out of there fast enough! Two things, well three really…. 1. I find waxing my brows to be unpleasant, cannot imagine what that must be like. 2. Horrified at the thought of some strange woman (who’s chosen this for a career), funnying about my undercarriage and, 3. whatever do these people talk about when you leave? Not mine, thank you! I certainly wouldn’t want to run into this one again. “Hey! How’s your grow out coming along?” Egads!
And while not on my top tier of folk I’d rather not bump into, I’d rather not be seeing the stranger who spent an hour oiling and kneading my body fat like she’s baking bread!
Who would be on your list?