Laura : On Age, Weight, Summer Weddings and Fitting Rooms

Is it just me?????
My niece was getting married and I had to find something to wear. I’d put it off as long as I possibly could. You see, I detest…hate…loathe any form of necessary shopping. Unless it’s a yard sale, thrift store, or an auction, then I’ll shop you into exhaustion. I love It!

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It’s like a treasure hunt and if I can refinish, refurbish, repurpose something I’m all in! In fact, my phone kept telling me I was 10 min from work! Work? I ran a small horse ranch so I couldn’t imagine where my phone thought I worked so I tapped maps to find out…..Lowes!!!! I’m there so often that my phone thought I worked there! Hahaha

Grocery shopping is done according to a strict list for exactly what I need for each meal during the week and the store mapped so I can get in and out as soon as possible. But, what I hate the most is clothes shopping….with a passion. It’s the impossibly thin mannequins that EVERYTHING looks so cute on but looks like an army tent on me, to the fitting room with it’s cellulite magnifying, body fat accentuating mirror where you’re forced to stand face to face with your every insecurity. This is where I was when a friend called and I later had to message her an apology.

I have no guile. All my emotions are right there all the time. Regardless of what I try to say or my plastered smile. My face and voice betrays my every thought and I know she’s heard the sharp tension in my voice.

I spent 2 hrs going over and over every single rack in the store, tried on 50 items (50! I counted!) looking for something to wear to my nieces wedding…who against all advice, chose August 5th, (hottest month of summer) at 5pm (hottest time of day) and near enough to the Mississippi delta = (hell on earth) and OUTSIDE!!!!!!

The heart wants what the heart wants I guess. It’s her special day and It’s her job to sparkle (in this case probably shimmer and glisten….with sweat, but she’ll do it beautifully) and it’s my job to puddle sweat with pure joyfulness for these two that I love so much! And as you can see, she did perfectly.

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I was standing in the dressing room when my friend called, (where I’m certain they have the heat on as the heat index is 103° and it feels the same inside. I’m soaked in sweat trying to wrestle into a clingy knit dress that’s acting like a boa constrictor and is now stuck around my waist and 1 breast when the phone rang. (I was thinking I’d have to call the front desk for either a come-along or the jaws of life.) Honestly, the only thing that could’ve made the experience worse would’ve been a wrap around mirror in the dressing room where I could have had a great view of my ever widening bottom too!

I’m convinced that some male, retail CEO somewhere thought It’d be hilarious to put funhouse mirrors in the ladies fitting rooms. Wanker!

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After 2 hours, 50 items, and dislodging myself from clingy dress, I left with a new laundry basket and 2 t-shirts. Trying on clothes is not for the faint of heart. In fact, I think the entire thing would go much smoother if they’d just start serving tequila shots at the dressing room door. I may still not find anything that fits or that I like but after a few goes at it, wouldn’t even care anymore? Lol

Later, after quelling suicidal feelings, I called my friend back and explained that since having my thyroid removed, it’s changed my weight, where I gain and how I lose. No longer an ultra skinny girl, I discussed this with my doctor during a thyroid hormone level exam and tell him that I weigh exactly what I did when I gave birth! I wasn’t actually very big pregnant with either of my kids so he says I’m still in my height /weight range. Grrrr….I smiled but pretty sure he could see I wanted to spank his mouth.

My friend laughs at me and says I look great….says she gains because she likes to eat….I’m like “Girl! Why can’t Laura lose weight?” and send her this pic. “It’s my thyroid I swear!” Haha haha

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I love her! Thank goodness for friends who cheer up your crappy days!

P.S. I scrapped the clingy dress Idea and went with simple white pants, heels and a black summer top. Here I am with my mother (center) and my four siblings at the wedding. I’m the oldest of the siblings and even in stilettos with everyone else in flats, as you can see….the shortest!

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49 comments

  1. Same here! I mostly go clothes shopping when I have to. And then, I try to buy a whole wardrobe so I won’t have to go back for a while! Same with shoe shopping! 🤦‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I went into Ollies the other day and they had wedding gowns. I did not know what to say but I see if someone ever needed an outfit, there was a place even in the boonies. Just joking. Your clothes and choice look perfect!

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    • Hahaha! Thank you so much! Honestly though, I’m so, let’s be honest, cheap….that it’s actually a good tip! Lol. I’m so that person who says….I’m literally wearing this dress for 1 single day, less than that, only a few hours at best so….there is no way I’m spending several hundred much less more than a thousand, on a dress! My daughter in law spent nearly 2 thousand for her dress. Not this girl! No way! That money feels way better in my pocket than in a dress I’ll bare wear once.
      When I married Clay, I bought a beautiful wedding dress and paid a whopping $100. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for an entertaining post, and you look just perfectly beautiful! We’re all so critical of what we look like, especially in the dressing room situation. The problem with the fitting rooms is also the lighting which is fluorescent blotchy green and pink veined tinge to everyone! There was one local store that I no longer go to because they had no mirrors inside the dressing room, You had to prance out to the mirrors next to it and parade in front of waiting attendants offered up their opinions which were always just the opposite of what I was seeing!

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  4. Oh Laura,
    Thank you for sharing such a funny but realistic post. I especially enjoyed your reference to the c.e.o.
    There are a lot of things you mention in this post that I have thought about in the past in particular travelling by car ferry from u.k to Ireland with my elderly mother for August weddings of 2nd cousins 2008 &2009.
    You have given me an idea for a post, thank you.
    I love charity shops where the clothes are displayed in colour categories and I can easily see where to go for colours that I like and which suit me. I usually dance out of the shop and enjoy the banter with the lovely volunteers.
    I can vividly remember shopping for an outfit for the second wedding on the last minute as usual. Was during a particularly stressful period generall & I had piled the weight on. I ended up with a good quality outfit but in a colour which really didn’t do anything for me & for which I paid through the nose for. I didn’t dance out of the shop in this instance.
    Your niece looks lovely 🙂🛍🎊🎀

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    • Thank you so much, Margaret! It is so comforting to know that there’s someone else in the world who relates and understands us and the nuances of what we go through especially as women. It’s like a being in a special club with others who really get us. 😊 Although, I suspect the weather is much finer for an August wedding in Ireland though. We toured Ireland for 11 days one summer and I was leaping for joy the entire time and did not want to come home! It was roughly 65°F the entire time! Back home in Oklahoma, we left at 110°F! Yes. It does sound a lot like hell, doesn’t it. Lol
      I’m excited too for your post idea and can’t wait to read it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes Laura, especially with what I more recently have recognised as perfectionist tendencies.
        So glad you enjoyed Ireland. Sounds like You were certainly blessed with the weather 🙂💁🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Funny! I hate those days of trying on clothes for hours and nothing fitting right. Actually, I’m with you on hating clothes shopping in general–though thrifting and antiquing is a different story! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m learning that weight is more than a physical trap but a mental one. It becomes an obsession in which it seems “once fat always fat.” So many women’s minds have been geared towards a certain physical appearance where even if they reach that appearance, the “fat girl” inside them remains and emotionally tries to destroy that appearance.

    I know it’s easier said than done, but I wish women could see the beauty they are despite the outward appearance.

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  7. You look lovely Laura – ever so radiant!❤

    Haha.. I agree with you about the “height stuff” – I am just 5’2″ – and life and heights have always been a challenge for me! 😉 😛

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  8. You and your nice looked lovely!
    I also despise shopping. I think for the last two years I’ve been saying I need new clothes but I have zero desire to go out and find these ‘new clothes’! 🙈

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  9. I hate shopping too!! If I can’t find what I want in 10 minutes, I’m done lol. Fortunately I haven’t had an occasion that requires something nice 😁 You made the perfect choice and your niece was absolutely gorgeous!!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I have no idea why shop owners the world over choose mirrors that make you look worse than you feel which, when I am shopping, is pretty much as bad as can be. I hate it. You, though, Laura look absolutely gorgeous in what you chose to wear and not a smidge of glistening perspiration on your face – just the glow of joy for the couple which is just as it should have been. And is the Bride superhuman or what? She looks so cool and relaxed in that gorgeous mermaid number. 🧜‍♀️ 👰

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  11. I’ve had thyroid issues for some time now. I’ve been recently tested and my doctor wants to remove it. But oh my, how I’ve gained so much weight! It’s insane. I can’t blame you. Especially when you’re not at your best, physically, it can be dreadful to go and shop.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Right there with you on the shopping! I’d rather take a beating than clothes shop!! And dang it…can’t blame my thyroid. But yes…shop til ya drop for antiques and junk😃😃

    Liked by 1 person

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