Laura : On Age, Weight, Summer Weddings and Fitting Rooms

Is it just me?????
My niece was getting married and I had to find something to wear. I’d put it off as long as I possibly could. You see, I detest…hate…loathe any form of necessary shopping. Unless it’s a yard sale, thrift store, or an auction, then I’ll shop you into exhaustion. I love It!

It’s like a treasure hunt and if I can refinish, refurbish, repurpose something I’m all in! In fact, my phone kept telling me I was 10 min from work! Work? I ran a small horse ranch so I couldn’t imagine where my phone thought I worked so I tapped maps to find out…..Lowes!!!! I’m there so often that my phone thought I worked there! Hahaha

Grocery shopping is done according to a strict list for exactly what I need for each meal during the week and the store mapped so I can get in and out as soon as possible. But, what I hate the most is clothes shopping….with a passion. It’s the impossibly thin mannequins that EVERYTHING looks so cute on but looks like an army tent on me, to the fitting room with it’s cellulite magnifying, body fat accentuating mirror where you’re forced to stand face to face with your every insecurity. This is where I was when a friend called and I later had to message her an apology.

I have no guile. All my emotions are right there all the time. Regardless of what I try to say or my plastered smile. My face and voice betrays my every thought and I know she’s heard the sharp tension in my voice.

I spent 2 hrs going over and over every single rack in the store, tried on 50 items (50! I counted!) looking for something to wear to my nieces wedding…who against all advice, chose August 5th, (hottest month of summer) at 5pm (hottest time of day) and near enough to the Mississippi delta = (hell on earth) and OUTSIDE!!!!!!

The heart wants what the heart wants I guess. It’s her special day and It’s her job to sparkle (in this case probably shimmer and glisten….with sweat, but she’ll do it beautifully) and it’s my job to puddle sweat with pure joyfulness for these two that I love so much! And as you can see, she did perfectly.

I was standing in the dressing room when my friend called, (where I’m certain they have the heat on as the heat index is 103° and it feels the same inside. I’m soaked in sweat trying to wrestle into a clingy knit dress that’s acting like a boa constrictor and is now stuck around my waist and 1 breast when the phone rang. (I was thinking I’d have to call the front desk for either a come-along or the jaws of life.) Honestly, the only thing that could’ve made the experience worse would’ve been a wrap around mirror in the dressing room where I could have had a great view of my ever widening bottom too!

I’m convinced that some male, retail CEO somewhere thought It’d be hilarious to put funhouse mirrors in the ladies fitting rooms. Wanker!

After 2 hours, 50 items, and dislodging myself from clingy dress, I left with a new laundry basket and 2 t-shirts. Trying on clothes is not for the faint of heart. In fact, I think the entire thing would go much smoother if they’d just start serving tequila shots at the dressing room door. I may still not find anything that fits or that I like but after a few goes at it, wouldn’t even care anymore? Lol

Later, after quelling suicidal feelings, I called my friend back and explained that since having my thyroid removed, it’s changed my weight, where I gain and how I lose. No longer an ultra skinny girl, I discussed this with my doctor during a thyroid hormone level exam and tell him that I weigh exactly what I did when I gave birth! I wasn’t actually very big pregnant with either of my kids so he says I’m still in my height /weight range. Grrrr….I smiled but pretty sure he could see I wanted to spank his mouth.

My friend laughs at me and says I look great….says she gains because she likes to eat….I’m like “Girl! Why can’t Laura lose weight?” and send her this pic. “It’s my thyroid I swear!” Haha haha

I love her! Thank goodness for friends who cheer up your crappy days!

P.S. I scrapped the clingy dress Idea and went with simple white pants, heels and a black summer top. Here I am with my mother (center) and my four siblings at the wedding. I’m the oldest of the siblings and even in stilettos with everyone else in flats, as you can see….the shortest!