Martial Advice: Honey, help me to help you.

I recently had the opportunity to share some Pro Tips on marriage with a young novice who posed a question in a DIY decorating group I follow and feeling confident that I’d imparted wisdom and sound advice, thought I’d share it with you.

The Question:
Has any one decided they wanted to redecorate a room without discussing it over with your significant other and actually just did it? What was their reaction?

My Pro Tips for Marital bliss

ME:  All the time.  In fact, always!   We are pretty clear and comfortable in our roles within the relationship, family and how the different areas of responsibility that make our home run smoothly, are divided between us.  These are determined and delegated by our individual gifts, talents and abilities.   Being as when I met my husband, his house was furnished with blow up furniture and folding camp chairs. ….I was clearly going to be the homemaker and he respects that.

HOWEVER,  once you retire, things can get REAL tricky.   The hubs can begin to feel displaced, lost, and not knowing what to do with himself without that life long focus on his career may begin to infringe upon your “territory “.   It may feel as though this guy has lost his mind!  Mine started trying to decorate on his own. (Let’s refer back to the blow up furniture) He may suddenly begin telling you how to cook and trying to pick out your clothing (his idea of style clearly being his mother in the 1950’s (?) as the “pantsuit” He picked out that “would look so good on you” resembles the upholstery on your grandmothers old couch.)

You might need to gently remind him of your boundaries AND where your patience ends.

For me, when he starts getting out of hand with his attitude or becoming mister smarty mouth. I’ve always reminded him of 2 things. 1. I cook all his food.
2. I won’t even blink at making sure  he has the shites for the next week.
It’s important to let them know that this is YOU loving them.  This is me letting him know that it might be time to start tapping his brakes. “Help me to help you, dude.”

Pro Tip.  Keep a dish that has chips in it.
I have a set of large pasta bowls and one has a chipped up edge and when I use them, I always give him the chipped one.
Your fella might be slow to catch on but be patient, he’ll figure it out eventually.  For mine it happened during a dinner party I hosted.  “Why do you always give me the chipped bowl?” Without blinking an eye… “I need to know which dish I put stuff in.  I’m not trying to poison myself, you know.”

I’m five yrs older than my hubs and he does like to take pokes at me for my age, being from Texas etc and bless his heart, he really does think he’s being funny and loves to do it when we’re among friends and on FB.  Lord love him, he thinks he’s a comedian.

Recently, his cousin had come into town whom I had never met and we joined up for dinner.  His cousin is going through a divorce which I might add is very amicable, even friendly. My hubs, again, began to entertain his cousin with funny pokes at the wife.  I swear he does it to get a rise out of me because he thinks that’s the funniest thing on earth (aside from himself.  He thinks he’s hilarious.) and I must admit, my humor is like a loaded gun with a hair trigger. 

My hubs:  “Wow, that’s the most adult and friendly divorce I’ve ever heard of.”
Smiling and in my sweetest voice, said: “That’s the kind of divorce I want!”
Totally shocked, he spun around to me so fast I thought he’d get whiplash!
“You planning to divorce me!”
Me: I was planning on killin’ your @$$ but if that doesn’t pan out….I want this kind of divorce.” 🤣

By the time the waitress came to take our order we were all laughing so hard tears streaming down our faces and could barely speak! The truth is, even I, didn’t know what was about to pop out of my mouth and was just as suprised as anyone! But, that’s our dynamic to a T, a constant spar of quick wits and always looking for laughter.

My martial advice is this…
Many relationship issues can be resolved by your significant others understanding of your belief that a near death experience will change a man’s attitude 🤣 and a good sense of humor.

Always With Love – Laura💕